Tumblr Confession #1: Squigglydigg

I left Tumblr at the beginning of 2022. In truth, I withdrew my heart from it at the beginning of 2021. I left for many reasons, each one long enough to fill a blog post. This one is about Squigglydigg.

For many years I was a part of a really wonderful fan community that sprang up around a series of animated music videos. It was called Mystery Skulls Animated, to differentiate it from the band Mystery Skulls, whose music was used in the videos. Squiggly was an up and coming artist who rocketed in fan community status for her stellar fanart. She was lauded and loved and pedastaled for a long time. Our posts intersected from time to time--as they do on Tumblr--and we talked sometimes. Occasionally she would show up in my writing streams and gave me advice as I worked on the fanfiction saga Thicker Than Water Tales.

I don't remember exactly when she first got dragged. I know that it was done behind her back on Tumblr. She wasn't even tagged in the post. It was allowed to circulate for a long time before she saw it, so she got to see a list of people who "liked" the callout post, several of whom had seemed like her friends before.

Months (years?) passed, and she got called out again. And again. And each time I watched, bewildered, but silent. It didn't seem right, but I was afraid. Lines were being drawn and I didn't want to stand anywhere when the lines made no sense to me in the first place. I thought I knew what was right, but I didn't know how to say it. And I was afraid of the anger.

I kept silent.

Each time, the furor seemed to die down. Squiggly made her way through animation school, still with many people cheering her on. She was even invited to work on the fourth Mystery Skulls Animated video, The Future. We were all hyped to heck and back when it dropped on Halloween, 2020. We roared with approval. We tossed around theories and some criticisms. We brainstormed new ideas. The fandom was rejuvenated and ready for another round of creativity!

January 6th, 2021. The Capitol Riot broke out, or whatever the hell you call what happened that day. Then a comparatively smaller event on January 11, 2021 rolled around. The Mystery Master (first video creator) himself told us that Squigglydigg was removed from the team, and would never be associated with the project again. The fandom Discord server moderators then told us that she had also been removed from the server to protect everyone.

Bewildered, I backtracked through the situation. Not only were all her previous cancellations dredged up, but new statements she'd made regarding January 6th had been added to her ledger.

I read many posts, both from her and from people who had compiled her sins. I will not cite posts or argue further, because I feel I have read enough, but here is my conclusion.

I believe Squigglydigg had the right to say what she said in each case.

I found Squiggly's posts regarding her January 2021 situation to be the most coherent and reasoned posts that I read. Many cancel posts I read ranged from incoherent to personally vengeful, and most things I read didn't take into account anything she had to say about the situation. I did not find even the calmest among the opposition to have compelling arguments at all.

I was silent because as I look at myself, I find I have the weakness called cowardice.

I was shell shocked by the response half the community hurled at Squigglydigg. I was horrified that the "leadership" drew this as a hard line. And I deeply resented the Discord mods saying they were trying to protect "everyone" and thereby madly abusing the word in the process. Clearly, "everyone" was a very specific subset that was ready to exclude at will.

And I was silent.

Sick and angry, I processed this and many other things for months. I withdrew, by and large, from the fandom community that I could never again see as any kind of family unit. It had clearly been rotting for a long time, I just hadn't wanted to consign it to the shelf with fandoms like Welcome to Nightvale or Steven Universe. Not ours, I always said, our fandom isn't toxic.

But this isn't even the first time something like this happened in our fandom. In this time, I recalled when Allon-s-k got reamed, years ago. I said nothing then, too, even though it didn't feel right, the way he got run out. Bullied. I wonder how many times this has happened to others in the fandom. What other instances didn't make it to my dashboard?

I was wrong not to speak. Even if I did not know how to argue properly, I was wrong not to speak out of fear that I might look stupid, or that I might be next, or that I might lose friends. This is a first step in trying to do better. On Tumblr, I found myself gradually becoming selectively honest and selectively silent. I am attempting to make my new blog, my new website, a place where I will be more honest with my thoughts and my journey.

If this post angers you, then my new website is not for you. If you still would like to find me, this is the link to my new website.

TLDR: I didn't speak up when it was timely, but Squigglydigg had the right to say what she said. I find her statements well reasoned and more in line with the truth than the accusations leveled against her. I think the people who disassociated themselves from her have the right to do so, but I also think that they are wrong and that their reasons are ill-considered. I found their glee and vehemence to be disturbing. This is one of the reasons I could not remain on Tumblr, though the only one I will post to Tumblr.