Confessions of a Fanfic LIFER

Fanfic writers are born fanfic writers. Plain and simple. There is no other explanation for this carefully hand-written story that I came across the other day. There is no date on it, but the handwriting pegs the writer as being between five and seven years old and is accompanied by age-appropriate illustrations. The story, transcribed with zero corrections, is as follows:

HEAVEN

Suddenly, I, Dusty, was in heaven! "Would you like to be a talking, flying Unicorn?" Came God's thundering voice. "If it's your will." I said meekly yet hopfully. Suddenly, I was one! Then, I was to go from heaven to earth, pick up people to bring them to fight in heaven against hell. My first stop was the father in "Honey I Shrunk The Kids" house. He was worried. I gave him instructions and by them he shrunk me and tied a quarter to my back (So he could see me being shrunk!! and let me out the door. I found his kids who got shrunk and were lost in the backyard. I put them on my back and flew into the house. When the father was us, he was this joyfull.

When we returned to our normal size, I took the father to heaven.

CHAPTER 2

The next stop was the heart of the jungle. Caa was captured in a cage by a hunter. When I freed him, Caa was this happy (image)!

To ride me, caa wrapped himself around me. Then, we picked up Moglie, and went to heaven. I was ready for my next trip.

King Triton was very upset. Ursula the evil sea-wicth had captured Ariel and Urchin. Flotsom and Jetsom had made the lure. When I got there, Urchin and Ariel were in chains. Ursula was just getting ready to turn them into what she called "Poor unfortunate souls" when I burst in. We fought. Ursula Died and went to hell. It was Tuesday when I went this far below the sea.

I can't even describe king Triton's joy to have Urchin and Ariel back. Then I took Ariel, flounder, Urchin, King Triton, Spot, Stormy, and Sabastion to heaven.

Then I went to Pride Rock where Shenzie Bonzi Edd, and Scar had Simba in the middle of them and they were getting ready to kill Simba. When I landed over him, it happened. Shenzie, Bonzi, Edd, and Scar all leapt at me and we fought eleven hours! When Scarr, Edd, Bonzi and Shenzie gave up, I took Simba, picked up Nala, Pumba, and Timon, and took them to heaven.

Then, when I took Mom, Dad, and Bonnie to heaven and God turned them into talking, flying, Unicorns, the war began. Finally, it was God's and Satan's turn to fight each other. Then, Satan was thrown into the lake of burning fire with his followers.

The end

Fanfic writers are born, not made. I rest my case.